Giving Up The Dream

Monkey here.

The other day, I had a sort of a crisis. Overworked, stressed, tired, and feeling like a great effort I put out for a project was totally wasted, for a second I thought: "I should just quit this art thing."

I pondered the possibility that I could just move back home with one of my parents, get a management job in some retail place, and just drink every day after work, watch my friends' band's shows, play video and board games in my spare time, and just grow old. I could just do nothing of great value or importance, and generally let my soul and passion slowly wither and die and "get a real job" that I hate but consistently pays the bills.

While there is nothing wrong with this sort of life if that's what you're into, for me, it brings up a huge wave of revulsion and disgust. I want to paint monsters and scared people and dark apothecary vials and tell horror stories and design shirts and paint Magic:the Gathering cards and see the world and inspire people to make art. I want to design video games and card games and board games and design a monster for a film and I want to never have to go to an interview again. For me, this is the path of greatness, of a dream chased and fulfilled, of the magic of the universe swirling in the palm of my hand. This is what I want my life to be.

So when I told Eve that I should just quit, she said "Fine then. Just quit." And immediately, I knew what my answer was: "I just can't."

I can't let the past four years of long nights and tens of thousands of dollars go to waste. I can't let all that I've worked for just fizzle out just because it got hard. I've tasted the appetizer of a dream fulfilled and I can't get it out of my head. I need it just as much as I need oxygen or food or water. Even if I fail, as long as I don't quit, I can still lay there dying and know that I tried my best and fought til the very end.

Now don't get me wrong - stopping or taking a break is much different than quitting. If the circumstances call for it, to survive maybe you think you do have to take a step backwards and there's no shame in that. But to quit - to truly give up on your dream...well, to be honest if I think you really could quit, you wouldn't be reading this blog.

You can't quit now. Whether your just starting or have been on the road for some time now, you've already taken that first step. You can feel that burning urge to do that thing in your life that you've always wanted. There's this welling up in your gut and tightening of your jaw when you let go of what society dubs normal and be honest with yourself and what you want. You start to hear the blood in your temples and a tingling in your hands. Whether or not you think you know what you want, you do - you just have to let your inner artist be truly honest with yourself and chase that truth til the end.

So do yourself a favor: if you think you can quit, fess up now, say a "good-bye" in the comments, and we wish you the best. But if you're one of the dreamers, one of the doers, one of clan of those who have tasted magic and want more, then share this with someone you think is of the like. Post your declaration in the comments. Talk to us on Facebook. Declare that you're gonna keep going and that you'll never quit. Make yourself an oath and tweet it.

The world is here for your taking. Let's get to work.

Go Away Grumpy Puss!

Monkey here.

I'm a big ol' grumpy puss today. I was going to try and write another inspiring post about the life and times of being an artist, but some days you're just not into it. I woke up in a nasty mood after waking up in the middle of an argument I was having in my dream with some sort of professor type person who was upset that I was arguing that the language of the question he asked the class was poor and offered too many possible answers.

To be honest, it's taking a lot to even write this blog post. I was up at noon thinking I was ready to fire something off, and it's taken me about four hours to even start. After various frustrating emails (both reading and writing them), I've come to terms with that fact that somedays we're just feeling off a bit.

Eve reminded me this afternoon that while Monkey + Seal strives to be an inspiration to other artists (people who don't know they're artists are still artists, btw), we're human as well. We have bad days when everything seems to go wrong. We get angry and frustrated and sit around in our underwear refusing to do anything really productive and just want to play video games all day. Today while I'm a big-ass grumpy Monkey, I feel the complete opposite of being inspiring. I want to, you know, maybe quit some stuff, commit a bit of arson, maybe shoot some arrows dipped in sewage into people's legs. Basically, there's that urge to be evil and depraved. I'm not going to do any of that sort of thing, and I'll probably end up just playing Zuma Blitz on Facebook for a while, but the natural feelings of frustration and anger and all-around negative emotions are what I'm dealing with today.

The reason I felt it was necessary to even tell you that instead of putting on some "you-can-do-it" supermask is that you will probably feel that way too sometimes. You'll doubt yourself, your life choices, you might want to strangle someone, or punch people in the face. You'll hate your job, your work, your life, etc. etc. etc. You too will have extremely craptastic days where nothing is going right and you just want to sit in bed and watch Godzilla movies all day.

Eve and I purposefully have posted some of our beginning work on this blog before, and plan to do so in the future. Why? Because we always end up seeing the end result. You buy a book by an artist and you see the good sketches, the final paintings, all the glorious hard work that they've done. You see the product of them busting their humps for years to build up the skills they have. You never see their first superhero drawing, or what they were like before they went to art school. You don't see their bad sketches, or the crappy early paintings, or the drafts that were rejected. You only see what they want you to se. It builds this image of immaculate awesomeness, and it's intimidating. We think "we could never do that" or something of the like.

Poop on that. Over here at Monkey + Seal, you get to see the real deal. So I actually just spent about twenty minutes looking for some digital versions of our old work, and I couldn't really find any (it's all archived someplace else), but believe me, I'm no stranger to showing you my old, craptacular work.

Anyway, the point is, is that everyone both starts from somewhere, and that everyone has bad days. It's fine, you're human, I'm human, and we all have crap days sometimes. Anyone who says otherwise is totally a robot and should be scorned.

So I hope that somehow you'll find this mildly incoherent post helpful in someway, if anything, to know that you're not alone. We all feel like poop sometimes, and unfortunately, it's just part of being human.

If that happens to be you today, let's work on getting out of the funk together. I plan on playing copious amounts of video games and proudly shirking my responsibilities for the day. While this might not be the most productive coping mechanism, hopefully I'll get it out of my system and get something done this evening. What do you do to get out of the funk? Post your coping mechanisms in the comments below and help someone else get out of the funk too!

100% Responsibility for Your Life

Every time we table at A.P.E. (The Alternative Press Expo) and other shows, I am excited, inspired, and vexed all at the same time. I have multiple projects that I wished I had completed in time for the event. And I beat myself up for over-working hard at my job, but not making the time for my own personal art. Every year, I see other brilliant art/artists, and I am jealous. I long for that intense creativity. Every year, it is the same.

So I decided that this time, if I want different results for next year, I have to change my behavior. I have to change what I do to get the results I want. I am 100% responsible for my life. If I am not where I want to be in my art, health, lifestyle, it is because I am not prioritizing the right things. There is always one more baby step that we can be taking towards our goals.

Are you 100% responsible for your life? Have you blamed others, your circumstances, your job, your finance, relationship, etc. for not being where you want to be?

It is not often said, but did you know, that you deserve everything to be exactly as you want them to be? Your art career, your relationship, your environment, your friends. . . you are responsible for the quality of your life and you have the power and resources, as you are now, to get it all.

In the art world and life in general, there are relatively things "outside" of your control. I say "relative" because in most parts, you are still responsible. You can't force a client to always love your artwork without revisions. You can't control people's emotions towards you. But what you can do is take a 100% responsibility for yourself. You are in control of yourself, your goals, what you do to get there, and its results. Everything else is just excuses and avoiding responsibility.

Maybe the client doesn't particularly like your style, but what you can do is research ahead of time. What does this client like? What do they expect? If you simply do not fit the style and feel of what they are looking for, save yourself the time and look for clients that do fit. You may not be able to fully control what people think about you, but you can certainly take actions that build upon your character and how people might perceive you. If you work hard, speak truthfully, and are generous - you will be seen as such. Even though someone may appear that they "just don't like you." (this may happen) But perhaps we should ask ourselves, what am I doing, how am I coming across to this person, for them, to react that way to me? Perhaps the economy, the audience, or the art market makes it relatively difficult to secure art sales. But these things can still be remedied by being proactive. Search for new economy. Do market research. Find your audience. Sometimes all it takes is just persistence and actions.


Are you where you want to be, right now? If not, then what actions are you taking? How can you change your behavior, now, today, to achieve the results that you want? How can you take 100% responsibility for your life?

--
For more reading, check out Jack Canfield's "Success Principles"

IT CAN BE DONE!

"It can be done within my time"

"It can be done within my budget"

I first saw these two signs printed in large colorful letters, at one of my old jobs, hung above the entrance to the conference room. It made such a huge difference to anyone present during those meetings in that room. Everyone had confidence in each other that the job would get done and whatever challenges that lie ahead were going to be accomplished. We has a sense of possibilities. The words "it can be done . . . " solidified, that there was no turning back. No second guessing. We simply ruled out excuses.

Sure I don't have a lot of time, but I can do a sketch on my 15min. lunch breaks. I can't afford art supplies, but I can draw on this found piece of wood. It can be done. Period.

Humans are often negative. Especially artists. We think it is impossible, because we've been told that all our lives. We think we need a lot of resources in order to accomplish the grand task of creating the big vision we have in our minds. Sometimes that's true. But most importantly, we often "fail to see the many small creative actions that we could make at this very moment" - Julian Cameron.

We dream of making the billion dollar blockbuster feature film when we haven't even attempted a 2min. flip book hand-drawn animation. We dream of the New York Bestseller novel, when we haven't even touched our writing journal in months.

It scares us to think that we can DO something today, at this very minute, that will take us closer to our creative goals. We would rather obsess about impossible things, than take clear small real actions towards possible tasks.

The great thing about being an artist is that we are creative, we are figures of capable imagination. We have 1) the ability to first visualize what we want and 2) to come up with the practical plan to achieve them. Now we just need to follow through.

What can you do right now, one tiny action towards creativity?

How to Quit Your Day Job in One Easy Step

First off, thanks everyone one for your patience and understanding. Our crisis over here at the Monkey + Seal cave as been averted, and while we meant to get a new post and newsletter up late last week, some crazy deadlines and an exacto blade going into Monkey's foot sort of took priority. Anyway, on to the post.

Monkey here:

So 1.5 weeks ago, I quit my retail gig to pursue art full time. It was a bit scary (more like terrifying), but when you're at a job where auto-pilot still exceeds expectations, and you've been at the company longer than the CEO, you know it's time to get out.

So what's the magic formula to get out of your job? I'll tell you, but let me give you a bit more background info. If you read our last post "I Have $161,635.78 in Student Loans, $15,000 in Credit Card Debt, and I Want To Be An Artist..." you probably figured out that any decision that involves giving up a revenue stream for me isn't the easiest one to make. Even though that post was originally written in 2009, when you have that sort of crushing debt and aren't some well-compensated white-collar worker and instead are a paper-peddling artist, not a whole lot of debt can be wiped clean in two years. I have knocked down the credit card debt to $8,930.81, but the student loans are pretty much still where they were.

So as you an see, being about $170k in debt doesn't make the decision to leave your job any easier. This is probably compounded by the fact that I have pretty much $0 in savings, and it's not like I'm leaving my job for a full-time salaried position. I'm leaving my job for a fledgling printing business (www.thelordsofprint.com, if you need any t-shirts printed), as well as my own creative ventures that range from illustration and fine art to our screen-printed ties, to DIY wedding invitations (we're not quite ready for launch, but you'll hear about it when we do).

Sort of terrifying, right?

So now I will impart on you the single, solitary step that you must take to quit your day job: Write a letter of resignation, and turn it into your boss.

There, that's it! Pretty easy, right? No magic spell, no earth-shattering revelations here. That's really all that's too it.

While I'm sure you read this post because you were more interested in how to quickly and easily quit your job and start living off doing what you love. To be honest, the one single step IS to just resign. However, this sort of smart-assed answer is here to underline the fact that there IS NOT a single, easy, happy-fun way to quit your job and live off your creativity.

The unfortunate truth about it all is that there is no way for me to tell you how to quit your day job. Everyone's financial circumstances, business acumen, entrepreneurial spirit, tolerance for risk, and general tendency to rush into things with a general disregard of popular opinion are completely different. Because of this, I guarantee that as similar as we are all, you're going to have to make that decision to leave your job for yourself.

Quitting your day job without something certain in place is definitely not for everyone. There are a lot of sacrifices you have to make. You'll be stressed more, and you'll probably be up late working, since all the stuff that your co-workers and your boss are doing (like accounting, marketing, whatever), you'll have to do yourself ON TOP of creating. You'll have to watch your finances more, which could mean not going out to bars as often, or maybe eating lunches of bread and water and dinners of pasta.

Maybe you do have something certain in place. Maybe your partner can help out with the bills or perhaps you've been saving enough to take a leap of faith. While this would relieve a lot of the fear of failing and becoming homeless, you still have to figure out how this is going to strain your relationship or how long you can last in case things don't work out. You're still going to have to do more work, as being your own boss is about five times more work than going to some day job, but is also about ten times as rewarding.

The one thing that is common among anyone who will set out on their own and turn in that two-weeks notice is that they have to believe in themselves. If you don't have faith in your own strength, your own passion, your own desire to become something more, then make the easy decisions. Stay at your job while you build up a career doing creative things. This is the path most travelled by successful artists. I know tons of painters and illustrators who work day jobs and create at night. There is nothing wrong with this, and it's great to save up, work off debt, and make sure that you have enough to live on before pursuing your art full-time. When that time comes to leave, however, you still have to have faith in yourself that you'll make it on your own.

Whatever you need to have that unwavering faith that you'll be okay - that you'll succeed beyond your wildest expectations is what you have to chase. For me, a total safety net is too safe - having something reliable makes me complacent and lazy. Having my ass to the fire is really what gets me going, and knowing that if I don't hustle faster, better, and smarter than before I'll be in some serious trouble, and that knowledge gets my blood boiling and my work done.

For most people, cutting the safety net is probably a terrifying, paralyzing thought, and the best way to build up your confidence is to take the small steps of building up a career slowly, doing as much as you can when you can. You don't have to throw caution to the wind - cutting the safety net can be a safe process of establishing a client base or a successful product line, of vending for years to build up your confidence that your art will make money.

So while it may manifest itself differently for everyone, please be sure to know that choosing to leave your day job is a highly personal decision that is one that must be made with the full knowledge of what you're getting yourself into. Have faith in yourself, and whether it's time to quit right now or in a few years, keep making those steps towards believing in yourself and you'll surprise yourself with that you achieve.

An Assault on the Monkey + Seal Cave!

Hey everyone,

We regret to inform you that due to a bit of a crisis over here at the Monkey + Seal cave, your regularly scheduled blog post and newsletter must be moved back a day or two. We apologize for the break but sometimes the poop hits the fan and priorities must be changed.

Back to the battle!

-Rick + Eve

I Have $161,635.78 in Student Loans, $15,000 in Credit Card Debt, and I Want To Be An Artist…

First off, we'd like to thank everyone who helped make the SF Zine Fest possible - organizers, creators, and attendees alike. We had a great time, met some really awesome people, got some cool new comics and zines, and even won a few raffle prizes!

So today's post is a reprinting of something Monkey wrote for his short-lived "Monkey Zine" that he published a few years back. Lots of stuff has changed, and a lot has stayed the same. Monkey will be posting an updated version of the story a later on.

The reason we even remembered this was because at the Zine Fest two years ago we had the pleasure of talking about art school and life and pursuing your dream with an UC Davis student (who shall not be named, since we didn't ask for his permission to talk about him). He bought the Monkey Zine back in 2009, and two years later, he stopped by our table again! He even brought the zine with him!

So since this was never published on the Monkey + Seal blog, we thought we should republish it for everyone who missed it being posted on Monkey's personal blog way back when. Anyway, thanks R for being a fan, and best of luck pursuing your true passions!

I am 26 years old and have $161,635.78 in student loans, $15,000 in credit card debt, and I want to be an artist. I already have a Bachelor’s degree in Biology from one of the most prestigious universities in the world, yet because I was too busy running a student acting group and painting, I have no resume-building biology related experience, nor do I care to gain any.

Like I said, I’m about $177k in the hole, and currently my fiancée and I want to be working artists. We’re currently in art school, but I just hit my cap on student loans (wtf, who knew there was actually a ceiling on how much you can take out for education…) so I may not be able to afford another semester. If you ever were interested in pursing art, you’d know that it’s not easy to make money quickly, steadily, or easily. There’s a lot of work, dedication, and a never-ending commitment to your craft that you need to have.

How did I get to where I am? I grew up in Stockton, California, located pretty much dead-center of the state. It’s a politically conservative town of a couple hundred thousand, where public transportation is a joke, my high school had a day care, and our per capita murder rate is the highest in the nation.

My dad works as an environmental coordinator at an aerospace firm and my mom is a dermatologist’s assistance. My mom is very progressive and DIY, my dad, not so much. He’s your standard Democrat, but he’s definitely no Green (my political affiliation of choice). My parents do their best to support my dreams and they are surprisingly calm when I tell them things like I quit my high-paying, health-insurance graphic design job for unemployment during the start of the recession. They divorced when I was 18, and my dad remarried 7 years later. My step-mom is pretty cool, but since I life in San Francisco, and they live in Stockton, I haven’t gotten a chance to really get to know her.

I have a younger brother (5 years younger, to be exact) who still lives in Stockton. He’s super cool, and although we’re into different things (he has something like 30+ pairs of Nikes while I have 2 pairs of running shoes and a pair of interview shoes) we get along pretty fabulously.

My fiancée is pretty awesome. She is a feminist activist, intelligent, an artist, likes the outdoors and is Wilderness First Responder Certified, dances, sings, acts, likes to bake, and is a sexy lady. Basically, she’s everything I could ever ask for.

The two of us are following our dreams of surviving off our art. We make zines, comics, paintings, stationery, sculptures, prints, and also do graphic design work. I have a under-funded and under-advertised non-traditional custom wedding invitation studio. We are also currently very under-employed.

I never thought the recession would really hit us, but it definitely has. As we struggle to make our credit card payments, and rent, it’s sometimes hard to just keep focused on our art, let alone positive about our current situation. We’re not even sure that we can afford rent next month, and there aren’t a whole lot of options in terms of borrowing some cash.

I keep finding job listings that are unrelated to art, but might be kind of cool. I don’t think I’d mind working for a non-profit, or doing something sciencey for underprivileged youth, and I know I’d be great, but I’m always dissuaded by the job posting as I don’t have any resume experience to show how awesome I am with kids, or how I could totally act as an advocate for immigrant reform even though I’ve never worked in a law office.

It’s actually surprisingly difficult (although I guess it’s not that surprising now that I think about it) to get a retail job when you have a degree from UC Berkeley. I really want a job that pays me just enough to get by, and requires nothing mentally taxing, so I can go home stress-free and just focus on my art. Granted, I would most definitely quit as soon as my art career takes off, which I now understand is probably why most prospective employers would be hesitant on taking me on.

So I’m stuck in a resume limbo where I’m underqualified for the jobs I want, and I’m way over qualified for the other jobs I want. But I lucked out and got a job at a place I used to work at, so even though it’s not enough to pay the bills, at least it’s a steady flow of income.

Money and I have never really gotten along. My parents declared bankruptcy when I was 15 or so, and so I worked really hard to get into a good school. I was offered a nearly full-ride scholarship to UC Riverside, but after touring the campus, I knew I would be totally unhappy. I’m sure telling me that it was okay to go to UC Berkeley, where they would be co-signing on my loans, was one of the hardest things my parents have had to do.

Hearing that I would be going back to art school was probably equally as hard to hear, but fortunately for me, like I said before, my parents are surprisingly supportive.

When I first decided to write this, the title was going to be “I Have $161,635.78 in Student Loans, $15,000 in Credit Card Debt, and I Want To Be An Artist FML.” But then I realized, no, not Fuck My Life. I thought about it, and I realized it should be FMLIA.: Fuck, My Life Is Awesome.

Granted, I might not be able to pay next month’s rent. Granted, I may end up eating rice and ramen every meal for the next few months. Granted, I might not be able to finish school. However, I have so much to be grateful for, it’s ridiculous.

I still have a roof over my head and food in my stomach. I have a computer to type this out on, and a job to go to tomorrow. I’ve been able to travel outside the country, learn from some of the greatest minds in the world, and find someone I want to spend my life with. I might not be as skilled as Rembrandt, but I can paint and draw, and even if I’m not as prolific as Stephen King, I get to write zines and make comics.

We often are led to believe that life is about making it big. Being a Hollywood superstar, or a millionaire, or a supermodel, or a business executive. Basically, we’re socialized to care about money and fame and glory and being the best. But I’ve come to realize that while the urge to become a famous artist is still there, that’s not what I need to focus on. I need to focus on the little things that make me happy.

As long as I get to paint what I want to paint, I’ll be happy. As long as I get to wake up next to the person that has the screws to my heart, I’ll be happy. As long as I get to stick my hands in my pocket, pull my hood up on my sweatshirt, and stroll through the foggy San Francisco night, I’ll be happy. As long as my family is healthy and doing alright, I’m happy.

Yes, student loans and credit card bills are painful. They are utterly crushing and overwhelming at times, but I did sign up for them in the first place. It was I that accepted the high interest rates and stellar fees to be able to open my mind to unimaginable wonders, make life-long friends, find my life partner, and to learn my craft. And at the end of the night, when my head is swimming with the burden of debt mixed with inspirations for new paintings dusted with hopes and dreams for tomorrow, I find that I couldn’t be happier. For this I am eternally grateful.