How to Rid Yourself of Wet Blankets

Do you know someone who constantly brings down the mood? Someone who might make you feel insecure about yourself, or your dreams, or your job, or anything? Basically, do you know any wet blankets?

Chances are, unfortunately, that you probably do. Not all are malicious on purpose, most actually aren't. Some might try to help with unsolicited advice ("You know, you could make a lot more money as a doctor than as an artist. You should really think about medicine." Another type of wet blanket is the kind that tries to make everything a competition, even when it's not. Others might spout lots of statistics that rains on your parade ("You know, art schools have a high graduation rate, but only x% actually get an art job after graduating.") Still other wet blankets might get your goat by saying things in false support like "I'm not telling you not to follow your dream," or "Yeah, that painting looks pretty good, but...oh nevermind, it's great, honest!"

Poo poo on these wet blanket! "But Monkey +Seal," you might be thinking, "of course poo poo on them, but how do I deal with these jerk-face donkey butts?" Well then, if you are thinking that, you must read on!

So, how to deal with wet blankets? There are a few ways to doing this. The first is protecting yourself from wet blankets before you even really have to deal with them. If you can identify these people early on, don't share you ideas with them because you know they'll shoot them down. What's the point in being generous with people who will try to bring you down? There is none! Don't show your dance recital to people who are gonna hate on your choreography, and don't take your sketchbook out of your bag around people who are gonna take it without asking and then criticize your drawings. Skip the jerkwads!

"But Monkey and Seal, what if I work with these buttholes?" Well friend, if you are in a situation where you can't just avoid the party-poopers, you need to identify their behavior as what it is to emotionally distance yourself from them. If you absolutely have to listen to the poop they're gonna say, if you brace yourself for the idiocy, you can create some emotional distance. It'll still be crappy, and you should try to avoid wet blankets if you can, but if you have to deal with them, here's some more tips:

You have to realize that the reason these people are wet blankets and keep hating on you is that whether they know it or not, it's not really about you at all. When someone is harping on your dreams, or your art, or basically just bringing you down, most of the time it's not really about you, but it's about them.

You see, you have to remind yourself that it's their own lame worldview and sad paradigms - they're really just unhappy with themselves and they tend to take it out on everyone else. Their ideas are never awesome enough, so they have to make sure that you know that yours aren't either. Maybe they're unhappy with themselves or were discouraged somewhere along the line, but regardless they're just downers, and it really has nothing to do with the quality of you or your work.

Alternatively, if their garbage-talk is bringing you down, you need to honor your emotions and take care of yourself. Identify the negativity and call it out for what it really is: pure negativity and self-hatred (on their part). Others will want to quickly patch you up by saying "Oh, it's a learning experience," or maybe "Well, that's sorta standard in this industry," or "That's just how he is," but NO! Don't listen to them! The wet blanket is a wet blanket, and that's that!

Administer some self-care stat! Go take a bath with your rubbery ducky, or snuggle with your blankey, or do whatever it is that you do to make yourself all cheery and happy inside. Eat a pint of vegan ice cream and wash it down with some cookies! Take a shot (or two, or three, but only if you aren't driving or have something you need to get done later). Whatever it is, make your inner kid happy.

If all else fails, talk to someone who is going to support you and help you remember that the wet blanket is the crazy person, not you. If you don't know if you can trust anyone, there's always a therapist (or you could also vent via email to us).

Finally, sometimes push comes to shove, and the wet blanket just needs to get put in their place. You officially have Monkey + Seal's blessing to put up a fight if need be. You can call them out on their poopy behavior and regardless of whether or not your actions change their behavior, your heart will know that you stood up for yourself, and that's a really powerful step in itself. Besides, if you call them out in front of a lot of people in a way that isn't full of name-calling, but is very factual, you can very possibly shame them into reform.

So avoid your wet blankets and love yourself. Don't try to dry out the wet blanket, it'll only get smelly and mildewy and eventually will become a wet blanket again. Dangerous!

Artist Envy: A Dangerous Concoction

If you have a lot of friends who are artists, good for you. You are surrounding yourself with people from your tribe and these people will share many common threads. Many will know what it's like to do a 36-hour day in order to meet a deadline, or will know what it's like to really feel the need to finish a portfolio. Others might be able to commiserate with you on your artist's block, or maybe they can provide you with useful tips on new techniques or supplies.

However, having lots of artist friends can be a bit of a drainer as well. While you have many similarities, perhaps you have too many similarities. Perhaps you both submitted to a gallery and only one of you ever heard back, or maybe one of you got a part in a play but no one else did.

We'll admit it, it's hard to be happy for someone who got what you wanted. After all, we have our own unique needs and wants. So today, we want to talk about managing artist envy.

Envy, used properly, can be a great motivational tool. If you see an artist achieving what you want for yourself, it's only natural to feel envy. If you use that feeling to push yourself to do the work and to take your own work to the next level, then great! View the other person as an inspiration that you're striving for and work towards your dreams. Most likely, if you ask, that person will even try to help you to achieve what they already have. After all, awesome people are willing to share their secrets, especially with people who want to get where they already are. Think about it: awesome people are always looking to become bigger and better, so they're very receptive to helping you get to where they are right now.

However, if used improperly, envy can be destructive and totally no bueno. If you look at that other artist as an opponent or an obstacle, then you've already cut them off as a source of knowledge and aid. Additionally, you're creating a negative mindset that not everyone can achieve their goals. Once this becomes your mantra, every time you don't get what you want, it will be a defeat, which you'll brood on, probably causing more defeats. Also, you may become inspired to use underhanded methods like lying or manipulating or stealing or other not-so-good behaviors to get what you want. And once you get known for being underhanded, people won't want to partner up with you. You've now committed to getting there by yourself, and like we've said before, you can't get anywhere alone.

When you realize that the better person you are, the more people are willing to help you out. When we ask for advice from other artists, it is our policy to make sure that we take advantage of the help they've given us, and let them know how much they've helped us along. That is why it's important to see others succeeding as not only friends who are doing well, but also as valuable sources of tips and tricks and advice.

You may be asking what you can do for your friend, if they're giving you such valuable advice and relating their own experiences to you. Well, you can start by following their advice and making sure they know how much you've helped them. And who knows? Maybe some day you'll be in a position to recommend them to another studio, or maybe you'll come across a great opportunity that's not right for you but would be right for them. Return the favor and I guarantee you'll soon have a circle of artists that you can count on to go to bat for you.

So be generous. Be happy for your artist friends who are succeeding, and they will be happy for you in return. Create a community of creative collaboration where everyone is working to help each other obtain their dreams! Believe us - there is always room for one more.

The No Jerk Rule

No Jerk Rule - Kick

We all know that some people fall into a certain category of person. These people are sore losers (or sore winners), and they generally try to hound you no matter how much you try to avoid them. They're always talking about themselves and never ask about you, or they insist on telling you how awesome they are. Instead of talking about themselves, they might just constantly critique your work, especially when you want their opinions the least.

These people have a name. That name is "jerk." More accurately, they might not be jerks, but their actions are often that of jerkiness. Whether they try to bring you down or are trying to bring themselves up, they are generally unpleasant to be around. Either way (or even if they reek of some other sort of personality disorder like just being a rude asshat), we're going to call them jerks for now and move forward.

So Monkey + Seal have a rule: it's called the "No Jerk Rule." We actually call it the "No A-hole Rule," but for pleasantry's sake, let's go with jerks.

Basically, we refuse to work with jerks. While it is a lot more difficult to start out following this rule when you're starting out, we've found that it's a great guiding principle for our business. If the jerk is a client, we'll politely and professionally end the relationship. If it's a collaborator, we'll politely and professionally leave the project. No matter how it works - no jerks.

We do realize that at times there are people who seem nice at first and turn into jerks as you begin to work with them. Also, you can be contractually obligated to work with people and you can't back out lest some sort of huge financial obligation. There are many circumstances, but there are ways that sometimes you can get stuck with jerks. How to deal with them? The Jerk Fee.

If you are working with a client who you know is going to be troublesome from the get-go, the best way to deal with them is to basically apply a Jerk Fee. Whatever that fee is, you want to make sure that it's enough for you to feel okay about dealing with this person. This is why for design work you should always limit the number of revisions your client gets for free. The jerks are going to be the one who will make you change a color, then change it back, then add some new text that will completely change the layout, then have you change it back to a new color and remove all the first changes...etc. etc. etc. By basically giving them a free proof or two, but then charging them for each revision, people usually limit their changes after that.

If you're working with a client who refuses to get you assets on time, start charging them a fee for every day late that they turn it in. Your friend of a friend not paying you for that CD cover that you delivered a month ago? Let them know that in your contract, you stipulated payment in full within 7 days of receipt and they you're charging them 10% per day, interest compounding, after each day thereafter.

If you couldn't tell, Monkey + Seal have found that contracts are our best friends. Even for little jobs for friends, signing contracts is important as you can legally bind these people to agree to your Jerk Fees. If they are going to make your life as an artist more difficult, you should be compensated for it, and by putting that in writing, it makes people generally a lot more civil and easier to work with.

Alternatively, if your boss is a jerk, we recommend that you start looking for a new job, ASAP. While there is a myth that everyone hates their boss, it is just that: a myth, so do your best to try and find good bosses. You can have really cool bosses (yes, they do exist!). We don't advise just quitting your job without a backup unless the abuse is too much to handle, and at that point, there are probably other recourses you can take like harassment suits or talking to HR.

The other option to quitting a toxic job is to start up your own business on the side. Want to quit your day job? Start the hustle. Find ways to sell your art. Write an e-book. Auction your paintings off on eBay. Get that portfolio together and start submitting it wherever you can. Figure out what skills you have that people will pay for and get out there and find a way to make other sources of income. Escape the jerkdom!

The one caveat to the "No Jerk Rule" is that you have to act like everyone else has this rule as well. You gotta make sure that you are acting professionally and with integrity as well. Be the artist that YOU would want to work with.

All in all, the reason we really want to encourage people to take up the "No Jerk Rule" is because when it really comes down with it, no one should have to put up with bad behavior. You're an awesome, amazing person, and you deserve much better.