How to Be Selfish + Selfless

We're back!  

Sorry for the long hiatus everyone.  For all you that are our facebook fans, you'll know that Monkey ended up with strep throat two weeks ago (and most of last week as well), thus much of our focus was on healing him up.  Seal was an excellent nurse, and did much to make sure Monkey didn't die.

Anyway, today we wanted to talk about selfishness.  Our society often gives mixed messages about selfishness.  We often see stories of people who are so obsessed with something (music, art, business, technology, etc.) that they devote their lives to it and selfishly put that love over everything else.  We are told this is the epitome of the American Dream of pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps and following your passion.

We also, however, often get the message that we shouldn't be selfish.  That we should think of society as a whole, that it's saintly to give to others and to give back to the community.  We praise non-profits and community giving and we are often socially rewarded for doing "selfless" things.  Also, especially in certain communities, (religious, immigrant, and/or minority) communities, emphasis can be strongly put on the community over the whole.  Pressure to "put the community over your own needs" can be strong, and it seems like the right thing to do is to be selfless.

However, we'd like to offer a different take on selfishness/selflessness.  We propose that if you live your live following your dream, it is not only the right thing to do, but it is the most selfless and selfish thing you can do.

Paradox time?  Not really.  You see, by following your dream, inherently you are being selfish.  But this is a good selfish.  You need to be listening to your Inner Artist and following that dream of yours because that is really what you were meant to do.  Your dream is unique, and by doing what you love, you're being the best person you can be, and you need to be relentlessly selfish about this - you can't put it aside for other people, whether it's your dying mother in Bolivia or your favorite teacher, or your boss, or your pastor.  

No matter who tells you otherwise, you need to live up to your full potential and follow your dream.  

At the same time that you're ploughing ahead looking after yourself, realize that by doing that, you're offering your gift to the world.  Maybe it's your unique way you look at the world (visual artists), or your pursuit of a new taste (culinary artist), or maybe it's an exploration of what the human body can do (dancers and performing artists).  Regardless, your dream is yours alone and if you can find that voice and follow it, you will reach your full, awesome potential.  

By being the best person you can be, you will undoubtably come across ways to give back.  Whether it's performing at a charity ball, or donating your art for a fundraiser, or maybe it's creating a path for an underrepresented group of people to follow in your footsteps, you will be able to give back selflessly while you selfishly pursue your own dream.  

As Chris Guillebeau puts it, you will be able to become a true key dropper.  As your dream manifests itself via your own selfish motivations and actions, make sure that when it's possible to do so, help out others along the way.  Drop keys for people to open doors.  Don't create cells by trying to shut out people asking for advice - drop keys.  

So go out there and do something for yourself.  Put yourself on that path towards following your dream, and opportunities to give back to your communities and the people who help you along will manifest themselves.  Don't hold anything back, and go after what YOU want.  

How to Save Yourself From Burn Out

When I arrived Saturday morning for my weekend painting workshop, I was tired from the week's work - month's work, to be precise. I had taken on one too many calls, one too many emails, one too many art-donation charity events, one too many project, and not taking good care of myself. I was "burnt-out." This is the dark side of the artist life.

When we are depleted of time and energy, so it our creativity and art. We become a snarling animal prodded one too many times and we refuse to perform any more magic acts. Having experienced burnt out before, I thought I knew how to avoid it. I thought I knew better. But it's difficult. The fine line between a fun creative productive artist and a manic overworked "horse" is very thin. Although sometimes there doesn't seem to be much of choice between work/rent vs sustainability/rest, we have to remember - there is always always a choice.

Contrary to the myth that artists are selfish, I think we are very generous - perhaps even too much. We are often taking on projects that are not ours. We make posters for Uncle Steve's bbqs or little Billy's birthday party for no cost. We often volunteer in some creative or mentoring program for the community. People often use artists as a sounding board for idea pitches, solicit critiques, or even rants on personal lives without refilling our energy wells. We, ourselves, often dip into our own well and drain it faster than we can refill it. We say "yes" to the latest social gathering when we really want to be alone with our art. Or quite the opposite, we stay home, when we really want to go dancing but are afraid. In short, we are NICE PEOPLE, but not necessarily honest to ourselves.

But what if I have kids or are in a relationship or have friends who need me? You ask. Surely, they come first before my art? The truth is: we can become better family members and friends when we take care of ourselves and our needs first. When you give to yourself, your energy and time will surprisingly multiply by ten fold.

It's time to think a little bit more of ourselves. It's time to be more selfish. Take care of your artist self. Invest in yourself. "Stop being nice, and start being honest," as writer Julia Cameron said. So you don't want to do this project, DON'T DO IT. Give it to someone else who has the time and is more passionate about it. So you need to stay in instead of a movie date? Take a raincheck. But what about timed events that you have to attend, but may not have energy for, like gallery openings, friend's poetry reading, or billy's birthday party that might make or break your friendship or relationship? Well, take care of yourself days ahead and the morning beforehand, so you have plenty of rest. Wake up earlier in the week before work, or sleep in, or find the time and prioritize your creativity so that at Billy's birthday party or your friend's poetry reading, you are alert, attentive, and present - NOT thinking about your novel or project back home and seething at Billy in resentment.

Self care and freedom is the best remedy for burn out. A little goes a long way. Like buying your favorite soap for $2.99 or warm hot cocoa. Finally watching that movie or reading that book that you've been putting off. Calling a friend who can help you refill the well by listening to you. Freedom from email or phone after dinner. Freedom to rest. Freedom to see friends or go on a run. Undisturbed guilt-free time. It's going to be different for everyone.

At the weekend painting workshop, my teacher Erik Tiemens always seemed very energetic, creative, and animated.

"Attack the paper," he would say.

"Play with the paint, without having an end-product in mind." I don't know if this is true, but I suspect that he will always be young-at-heart and creative because he gives himself the freedom to play.

Our artist self is like a seven year old kid. If we told it to sit still, be quiet, and do your work for one too many times, it will start to rebel. So we need to communicate to them that we'll listen to them. That we will give them a treat for being so good all this time. That we are on their side and it's safe to create again.

Just ask yourself, what do I want? If there are no emergencies, no restrictions, deadlines, or people depending on me and I have the freedom to do whatever, what do I want?