Why Monkey Hates Work

Monkey here today. Over the past few weeks, I've actually been having a bunch of what seem like emotional breakthroughs, so instead of try to be all preachy preachy, here's a look/call to arms about one of the things that I've been working on.

In order to get where I'm coming from, you'll need a bit of backstory.

Growing up, a lot of things came easily to me. This isn't just to brag, it's just how it was. I was home schooled until 4th grade, and when I entered public school, while I was really scared I'd be really behind the other kids, I found that I caught up and surpassed most of my classmates. On my first standardized test, I was in the 99th percentile for my age for most of the categories, and only in one subject was I below the 80th percentile. I was quickly pulled from my neighborhood school and put into a gifted program, where I continued to excel academically. To be perfectly honest, school was hella easy for me.

I know now how the school system in America biases certain intelligences and downplays others, and for whatever reason I was lucky to be gifted in the intelligences that schools promote. Thus, I coasted through elementary school, jr. high, and high school easily. Other students would study for a week for certain tests that I would study for the night before, and I'd still score higher. However, the ease at which academics came to me set me up for unrealistic expectations of myself.

When you get straight A's, constantly, there's not much higher you can go. Eventually my success in school became sort of business-as-usual, and my parents pretty much stopped checking my report cards after a while. High academic success was really just the normal routine.

At the same time, in junior high, I had friends who were even smarter than I was. They tried even less than I did, and would be the type to ace the SAT's on their first try. If I was above-average, they were genius-level.

Growing up in this environment did two things for me. First, it taught me that genius exists, and that I sort of was one, but not quite. Second, I was taught that the amount of work one puts into something is completely unrelated to your success.

Looking back, maybe the friends who were "smarter" than I was really just did a great job of hiding their studying. Maybe they were just naturally attuned to math and sciences. Who knows. Regardless, I've been living with an extremely high resistance to doing the work. As much as I talk about it here on the blog, it's mainly me trying to figure out my own head and to try new tactics that'll help me do my own work.

I just recently realized that the reason why I hate just sitting down and painting and would rather come up with some new complex money-generating plan is that my achievements for a good portion of my life had no correlation to the work I put into them. Things that came easily for me were celebrated, and when I tried really hard at something I wasn't naturally good at (something like, say, water polo), because the results weren't there, no one was there to celebrate my efforts.

Thus, every day I deal with a huge amount of guilt and self-hatred centered around my work. I compare myself to people who have been painting for 40 years, not other people who have been painting for 5. I compare my achievements to where I want to be when I'm 90, not to where I would want to be when I'm almost 30. Thus, the disparity of what I see when I finish a piece and what I want to see is like comparing a person who has never taken cooking lessons to a master chef (I do that comparison too).

When everything you do looks like a failure, you would want to run away too. Thus, the constant periods of facebook games, the busywork that should really wait until after the painting is done, the focus on business and marketing when I should really just be making more art. Sigh.

I hate doing the work, and often wish that everything was just handed to me. But I also know how hollow that feels, and really what I'm looking for is to be recognized for trying. Life is hard, and I, just like everyone, just wants to be recognized for what one was able to do. We're a generation that was told that we could do whatever we wanted if we put our minds to it, but we're graduating with huge piles of debt, are still lost at what we want in life, and are often set adrift in a less-than-ideal job hunting situation. No wonder so many of us are discouraged.

For me, figuring out the reason why I hate doing the work was really insightful, and doing things like recording all the stuff I do every day has really helped. As new-agey as it sounds (and probably is), repeating affirmations that "My work matters," has helped a lot as well. I still hate doing the work, but I'm finding that the pain that prevents me from actually creating something is slowly subsiding. I'm finding that I have more and more agency over when I do what (ie shut off the Facebook).

So whether you choose to do the scary thing of expose your own weird traumas and issues publicly like me, or choose to do the equally scary thing of confront your fears in the privacy of your own home/head, it really is something you need to do.

If you can relate at all to the feelings of regret, betrayal, loss, anger, and all the other crap that gets drudged up when you are trying to create, I can only urge you to bite your lip and plant your feet; look your fear in the eye, clench your fists and ask "why?" The answer might surprise you. And if you, like I did, feel guilty about your trauma (I didn't write about this for a long time since I thought people would think "oh, poor little smart boy is crying that he's not genius enough"), smash that thought. It's your life, and no one besides you has any right to tell you what is or isn't traumatic.

Take your life by the reigns and shake your fear until it's beady little eyes spin - you're not going to let it rule your life anymore, and this is your first step in taking back what is rightfully so. My work matters, and so does yours, and yours, and yours, and no one can stop us now.

I Have $161,635.78 in Student Loans, $15,000 in Credit Card Debt, and I Want To Be An Artist…

First off, we'd like to thank everyone who helped make the SF Zine Fest possible - organizers, creators, and attendees alike. We had a great time, met some really awesome people, got some cool new comics and zines, and even won a few raffle prizes!

So today's post is a reprinting of something Monkey wrote for his short-lived "Monkey Zine" that he published a few years back. Lots of stuff has changed, and a lot has stayed the same. Monkey will be posting an updated version of the story a later on.

The reason we even remembered this was because at the Zine Fest two years ago we had the pleasure of talking about art school and life and pursuing your dream with an UC Davis student (who shall not be named, since we didn't ask for his permission to talk about him). He bought the Monkey Zine back in 2009, and two years later, he stopped by our table again! He even brought the zine with him!

So since this was never published on the Monkey + Seal blog, we thought we should republish it for everyone who missed it being posted on Monkey's personal blog way back when. Anyway, thanks R for being a fan, and best of luck pursuing your true passions!

I am 26 years old and have $161,635.78 in student loans, $15,000 in credit card debt, and I want to be an artist. I already have a Bachelor’s degree in Biology from one of the most prestigious universities in the world, yet because I was too busy running a student acting group and painting, I have no resume-building biology related experience, nor do I care to gain any.

Like I said, I’m about $177k in the hole, and currently my fiancée and I want to be working artists. We’re currently in art school, but I just hit my cap on student loans (wtf, who knew there was actually a ceiling on how much you can take out for education…) so I may not be able to afford another semester. If you ever were interested in pursing art, you’d know that it’s not easy to make money quickly, steadily, or easily. There’s a lot of work, dedication, and a never-ending commitment to your craft that you need to have.

How did I get to where I am? I grew up in Stockton, California, located pretty much dead-center of the state. It’s a politically conservative town of a couple hundred thousand, where public transportation is a joke, my high school had a day care, and our per capita murder rate is the highest in the nation.

My dad works as an environmental coordinator at an aerospace firm and my mom is a dermatologist’s assistance. My mom is very progressive and DIY, my dad, not so much. He’s your standard Democrat, but he’s definitely no Green (my political affiliation of choice). My parents do their best to support my dreams and they are surprisingly calm when I tell them things like I quit my high-paying, health-insurance graphic design job for unemployment during the start of the recession. They divorced when I was 18, and my dad remarried 7 years later. My step-mom is pretty cool, but since I life in San Francisco, and they live in Stockton, I haven’t gotten a chance to really get to know her.

I have a younger brother (5 years younger, to be exact) who still lives in Stockton. He’s super cool, and although we’re into different things (he has something like 30+ pairs of Nikes while I have 2 pairs of running shoes and a pair of interview shoes) we get along pretty fabulously.

My fiancée is pretty awesome. She is a feminist activist, intelligent, an artist, likes the outdoors and is Wilderness First Responder Certified, dances, sings, acts, likes to bake, and is a sexy lady. Basically, she’s everything I could ever ask for.

The two of us are following our dreams of surviving off our art. We make zines, comics, paintings, stationery, sculptures, prints, and also do graphic design work. I have a under-funded and under-advertised non-traditional custom wedding invitation studio. We are also currently very under-employed.

I never thought the recession would really hit us, but it definitely has. As we struggle to make our credit card payments, and rent, it’s sometimes hard to just keep focused on our art, let alone positive about our current situation. We’re not even sure that we can afford rent next month, and there aren’t a whole lot of options in terms of borrowing some cash.

I keep finding job listings that are unrelated to art, but might be kind of cool. I don’t think I’d mind working for a non-profit, or doing something sciencey for underprivileged youth, and I know I’d be great, but I’m always dissuaded by the job posting as I don’t have any resume experience to show how awesome I am with kids, or how I could totally act as an advocate for immigrant reform even though I’ve never worked in a law office.

It’s actually surprisingly difficult (although I guess it’s not that surprising now that I think about it) to get a retail job when you have a degree from UC Berkeley. I really want a job that pays me just enough to get by, and requires nothing mentally taxing, so I can go home stress-free and just focus on my art. Granted, I would most definitely quit as soon as my art career takes off, which I now understand is probably why most prospective employers would be hesitant on taking me on.

So I’m stuck in a resume limbo where I’m underqualified for the jobs I want, and I’m way over qualified for the other jobs I want. But I lucked out and got a job at a place I used to work at, so even though it’s not enough to pay the bills, at least it’s a steady flow of income.

Money and I have never really gotten along. My parents declared bankruptcy when I was 15 or so, and so I worked really hard to get into a good school. I was offered a nearly full-ride scholarship to UC Riverside, but after touring the campus, I knew I would be totally unhappy. I’m sure telling me that it was okay to go to UC Berkeley, where they would be co-signing on my loans, was one of the hardest things my parents have had to do.

Hearing that I would be going back to art school was probably equally as hard to hear, but fortunately for me, like I said before, my parents are surprisingly supportive.

When I first decided to write this, the title was going to be “I Have $161,635.78 in Student Loans, $15,000 in Credit Card Debt, and I Want To Be An Artist FML.” But then I realized, no, not Fuck My Life. I thought about it, and I realized it should be FMLIA.: Fuck, My Life Is Awesome.

Granted, I might not be able to pay next month’s rent. Granted, I may end up eating rice and ramen every meal for the next few months. Granted, I might not be able to finish school. However, I have so much to be grateful for, it’s ridiculous.

I still have a roof over my head and food in my stomach. I have a computer to type this out on, and a job to go to tomorrow. I’ve been able to travel outside the country, learn from some of the greatest minds in the world, and find someone I want to spend my life with. I might not be as skilled as Rembrandt, but I can paint and draw, and even if I’m not as prolific as Stephen King, I get to write zines and make comics.

We often are led to believe that life is about making it big. Being a Hollywood superstar, or a millionaire, or a supermodel, or a business executive. Basically, we’re socialized to care about money and fame and glory and being the best. But I’ve come to realize that while the urge to become a famous artist is still there, that’s not what I need to focus on. I need to focus on the little things that make me happy.

As long as I get to paint what I want to paint, I’ll be happy. As long as I get to wake up next to the person that has the screws to my heart, I’ll be happy. As long as I get to stick my hands in my pocket, pull my hood up on my sweatshirt, and stroll through the foggy San Francisco night, I’ll be happy. As long as my family is healthy and doing alright, I’m happy.

Yes, student loans and credit card bills are painful. They are utterly crushing and overwhelming at times, but I did sign up for them in the first place. It was I that accepted the high interest rates and stellar fees to be able to open my mind to unimaginable wonders, make life-long friends, find my life partner, and to learn my craft. And at the end of the night, when my head is swimming with the burden of debt mixed with inspirations for new paintings dusted with hopes and dreams for tomorrow, I find that I couldn’t be happier. For this I am eternally grateful.

The Undiscovered: New World / The Secret of Deadbrook

Hey everyone! We haven't had time to write up a full new post this week, because we have been busily painting our behinds off for our upcoming split show!

This is going to be our first feature show and we're really excited about it. Seal is preparing a whole new slew of amazing other-worldly landscape paintings, and Monkey is preparing an interactive narrative to accompany his paintings. It should be a really fun evening!

The show opens on Friday, June 3rd from 8pm-11pm at Oz Gallery, located at 3224 1/2 22nd Street (between Bartlett and Mission). We're super excited and we hope to see you there!

The Undiscovered is a two-person show made up of two parts: "New World", a collection of new paintings by Eve Skylar, and "The Secret of Deadbrook," new paintings by Rick Kitagawa that weave an interactive tale of the macabre.

"New World' will explore a journey into the uncharted territory of the fantastic landscapes that inhabit Eve Skylar's mind. From steampunk junkyard swamps to soaring new heights and forgotten robots, come explore the realm of the New World.

"The Secret of Deadbrook" is an interactive horror murder mystery told through paintings and their accompanying narratives. Children have been disappearing in the town of Deadbrook, and when a witness comes forward concerning the most recent disappearance, it's up to you to unearth the sinister secrets of Deadbrook. All you will need to solve the mystery will be at your fingertips - can you figure out who is killing the children before it's too late? If you can, enter your guess and you'll have a chance to win original art!

Vote Monkey + Seal in 2011!

Hey everyone! We (and some of our friends) could really use your help!

So SF Weekly's Best of the Bay is going on right now, and they have a form that you can submit over and over again to vote for your favorite stuff! Even better, it's focus is DIY, which we are all about!!

We're trying to win in two categories: #1 Best Blog (www.blog.monkeyandseal.com), and #12 Best Artist (either Eve Skylar or Rick Kitagawa). You can vote here!

You can also help out our friends and other enterprises by voting for #8 Best Film Festival (Asian American International Film Festival), #10 Best Theater Company (Asian American Theater Company), #13 - Best Art Gallery (Big Umbrella Studios),and #98 Best Boutique (Urban Bazaar).

Please feel free to vote for other venues you think deserve the win too!

Note: You can vote as many times as you'd like, and also if you just want to vote for us quickly and be done (our category is on the first page!), you can just hit next over and over until you get to the "submit" page. You don't actually have to register or anything, nor do you have to fill everything out as long as you go all the way through the submit button (although if you want to, you should!)

To vote again once you've submitted your vote, just copy the URL from your browser and paste it back in where it was and hit enter.

Thanks so so much, and we really appreciate your time, votes, and support! You're truly the best!

Do You Choose to Be Ordinary?

Monkey here:

Life can be hard. Especially if you are chasing your dreams. We've been told that following our dreams is the hard route - we're supposed to just grow up and work crappy jobs and get married and have kids and then retire and call it a life. So we struggle with our ambitions and our reality, with what we hope for and what we see in the immediate future. Thus, for a great majority of us, life is hard. It beats us up at times, kicks us in the ribs, and then makes fun of us. It is not an easy road ahead for those that dare to follow their dreams.

The truth of the matter is that most people aren't going to reach their full potential and aren't going to achieve their life-long goals. For a whole crapload of reasons, they're not going to make it. They're going to settle for being ordinary, with ordinary lives and if they're happy with that, great for them. Don't get me wrong - I don't think that there is anything wrong with giving up or being ordinary, as long as you make that choice. That choice isn't for me, but I don't hold it against anyone if they do choose to be ordinary. It is a very, well, ordinary life path to take.

But for those of us that can't stand to be at a job we don't love, for those of us that want to chase that dream, for those of us that want to achieve more than the average person, for those of us that want to do what we love for a living, this is unacceptable. If you're reading this, chances are you are one of these people who yearn for something more.

Now, I truly believe that people are amazing and there is almost unlimited potential locked away in each and every one of us. Granted, it's harder for some of us to get to that potential than others, and some of us have had more help than others too. However, we all have the potential to reach our goals - but it's a choice we have to make.

We have to choose to be exceptional, or to be the outlier. We have to bust our asses to be extraordinary. There might be a few geniuses out there, but we have to come to terms that we aren't one of them. And neither is the rest of the 99.9% of the population. If you weren't born with some amazing, near-superhuman talent that less than 1 in 1 trillion people have, you're not a genius (plus, you wouldn't be reading this). Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Walt Disney. All these guys were not geniuses. They practiced longer, they worked smarter, they failed and tried again and again and again and they never gave up. They asked for help when they needed it and forged a path no matter how bruised or beaten or tired they were.

The point is that when it comes down to it, we all have a choice to make. Do we decide to be the hero in our own stories or are we just going to be a supporting character? Do we decide to settle for what's familiar and safer or do we risk it and go for something frighteningly unfamiliar and new? Do we let the opportunities pass us by or do we jump at them with all our might and damn whether or not we'll land safely?

Yes, choosing to be extraordinary is scary as all hell. While if you've met me at a craft fair or at an art show or at my gallery or wherever, I'm probably not the first person you think would be completely frightened by life. But I am. I'm actually scared of a lot of things. I'm scared of not measuring up to my own ridiculously high (often unrealistic) expectations I set for myself. I'm scared that my art isn't good enough and that no one will pay for my paintings and I'll forever be the stereotype of the starving artist. I'm scared that I'll get turned down from galleries or art studio jobs. I'm scared of calling people I don't know on the phone. But in the end, what I'm scared of most is that I'm going to be ordinary.

So I do the best I can any given day to try and prove my fears wrong. I've failed often, and I try my best each time to learn something and to actually change my behavior and actions in order to prevent myself from failing again. Like we've said before, failure isn't fatal, and it's part of the learning process, but I'd still rather succeed than fail any day.

Some days I end up choosing to be ordinary, and other days extraordinary. My own personal challenge is to push the scale towards the extraordinary. Which are you going to choose today?

Bestiarum vocabulum: The Book of the Beasts

Hi Hi everyone! We're pleased to announce/remind you about Monkey's upcoming split-feature show with gentleman-artist and all-around nice guy, Grant Gilliland! It's all going down this Friday, March 4th, from 7-11pm at Big Umbrella Studios (906.5 Divisadero x McAllister). It should be a great show, as we'll be getting down with live screenprinting (buy a shirt and get it printed in front of your eyes!!!), maybe the best vegan cupcakes on the face of the earth from Black Orchid Bakery, and amazing vegan/vegetarian tacos courtesy of Local Flavor SF. So much awesomeness in one night!

Anyhoo, we would love to see you there, and we wanted to share with you some sneak preview images of Monkey's paintings. The little guy has been painting pretty much non-stop for the past week or so - we hope you enjoy! You should definitely stop by the show to see the images in person, where they look much better than via an old iPhone's lens with bad apartment lighting.

The photos:

The Succubus

The Basilisk

Local Flavor SF's taco..seasonal veggies and beans topped with pickled onions, sunflower seeds, and a cilantro-awesomeness sauce

The details:

Bestiarum vocabulum: The Book of the Beasts

Join us for the "Bestiarum vocabulum" Art Opening featuring the work of painters/illustrators Grant Gilliland and Rick Kitagawa.

From the elusive cyclops to the dangerous succubus, from trolls to water spirits, we often think of mythological beasts as simply mythological. Grant Gilliland and Rick Kitagawa beg to differ. Let this pair of monster hunters bring these creatures to life in a series of all new paintings featuring a stable of unearthly beasts and "mythological" creatures from around the world that are just waiting to follow you home.

"Bestiarum vocabulum"
featuring Grant Gilliland and Rick Kitagawa
w/works by the Big Umbrella Studio collective

Big Umbrella Studios
906.5 Divisadero St (x McAllister)
Friday, March 4, 2011
7-11pm

*Collaborative Grant n' Rick t-shirt design printed live*
*food by Black Orchid Bakery and Local Flavor SF*

www.bigumbrellastudios.com

www.seegrantdraw.com
www.rickkitagawa.com

Process: Painting "Alone in the Dark"

Monkey here today, for a quick run-down of my process while painting a very recent piece, which I call "Alone in the Dark." In the photo above, the weird blue light coming diagonally across the upper left is just a lens flare.

So for a figurative piece where I want to really convey a specific emotion, I shoot reference. While others might be masters of expressions without reference, I am not, so I got our digital camera, a little work lamp, a sheet of blue acetate, some masking tape, a black cloth, and asked for the assistance of an awesome model, Seal.

If you don't have someone else you can ask to model, you can always do it yourself. I must admit, it is much easier to work with someone else. If you can't afford to pay someone, ask other artists if they might need a model of their own, and do a trade-sie.


So the above photo is primarily the one I worked off of. I like the hand positions in this photo, but I wasn't completely sold on her head position. I skimmed through some other photos I had snapped in our little 10-minute photo shoot, and after doing some Photoshop work, adjusting the levels, adding a very transparent gradient of aqua, I ended up with this:

With this as my reference, I started to paint. I paint with acrylics, and I like using Liquitex Heavy Body acrylics. For this painting, I used my usual palette set-up, which consists of:

titanium white, unbleached titanium (lazy painter's warm white), mars black, yellow oxide, cadmium yellow light hue, burnt umber, cadmium red medium hue, alizarin crimson hue permanent, cerulean blue, ultramarine blue (green shade), veridian hue permanent, and dioxazine purple. I will sometimes add extra colors to the palette if I need a large quantity of a certain color that I don't want to mix (I also keep a tube of magenta and an aqua handy), but usually I just stick with these colors and mix everything.

I also got a tube of ivory black to warm up the black since I was doing a cool light, but you can just as well mix some alizarin into your black to warm it up a bit if you stick with mars black.

I did a direct drawing onto the canvas using watered-down burnt umber. I mainly went for general proportions and gesture at this point. So you can see, I didn't quite hit that target on my first go, but since acrylics dry fast and you can paint over stuff, I decided to fix it later and just start painting.

I laid in a dark black for the shadowy background and mixed up a nice green to really push the creepy atmosphere and emphasize the unearthly lighting situation (which is also coming from below, which you don't see very often and adds to the creep-factor).

I also laid in a green underpainting where the flesh would be. Why? Because I like the effect of laying down a blue-green in my portraits and then layering fleshtones on top, especially if you're putting them in green light.

I then blocked in the lights and darks of the shirt, using a thin black wash to fill in the shirt, as I didn't want to lose the form of the shirt too early, while I was still figuring out the folds and construction and form. If I was a crazier painter, I could probably have gone with some opaque black, but I didn't want to push it, so I took it easy. I hit the light parts with green, since that's the color of the light.

The next step was to paint over the green with some unbleached titanium mixed with a bit of cad red light and yellow oxide. I also added the shadows on the skin, and took a bit of time to carve out the shape of the hand.


So the above photo is taken after about 3 hours of work. I paint fairly fast, thanks to a Quick Studies class I took at Academy, but I had to slow down a bit since I hadn't attempted to do anything even remotely realistic in a while, and sort of forgot what I had learned.

Tthis next photo was taken after about another 3 hours of work. What did I do in these three hours to go from weird chalk-lady to a decent approximation of a scared Eve?


Well, I spent a good two hours or so really studying the folds and buttons on her shirt. For some reason, I get a kick out of painting collared shirts on people, so I ended up devoting a bit too much time to the clothing, but it turned out pretty swell.

I also slowly painted, and repainted, and repainted again Eve's face, working to smoothly blend and capture all the subtle colors that are in her face in the reference photo. I also had a bunch of facial proportions all wrong, so I repainted her nose about three times. The first time it was too small, then it was too low and big, and then it was too high, and then I figured it wasn't worth it to go for a perfect likeness and decided that the nose looked proportional and real to the painting and that was that.

I also took time to start painting the hands. I then realized, while painting, that something seemed funny, and somehow during the painting process I stopped using the photo reference, and fudged the hands quite a bit. After carving a bit away, repositioning some fingers, and generally undoing a lot of the preliminary mistakes I had made, I repainted the fingers.

And after another hour or two, I decided I was finished. During those last few hours, I pulled out some highlights on her hair, softened a lot of the cast shadows on her face, sculpted the eyes a bit more, rendered the lips, added a bit of detail to the hands, and repainted her neck so that the anatomy worked a bit better.



Ta-da! So after about 50 minutes of reference shooting and prep work, and about 9-11 hours of painting, the finished product is here. I saw the painting starting to take a pulp-horror paperback book look early on, and decided that I would try to keep it in that vein as opposed to going for ultra-realism (which I find I just don't have the patience for).

Oh yeah! By the way, I also use Golden brand Acrylic Glazing Liquid (Satin) to thin my paints if I want to sort of glaze over dried paint to smooth transitions or tint parts certain colors. I used a lot of medium while painting the hands and face, due to the high concentration of blood vessels close to the surface of the skin. Due to the green light literally going through the skin, hitting the red blood, and bouncing back, you get this weird mixture of cool pinks and warm greens, with strange transitions in-between.

I hope you learned something from this process post, and feel free to ask any specific questions in the comments. While this isn't the style I'm currently working in, it is nice to bust out a creepy painting that flexes some of my classical realism training that I got in school, and also balances my work so it's also more fun to bust out and do my regular sweaty monsters. Woo!

Gotta Do What You Love

Creepy? Disturbing? Monkey hopes so.

Monkey here:

After a long talk with Seal late Saturday night, I came to the realization about two things - I am extremely lucky to have a strong support system in place (ie Seal + friends), and that I've been unconsciously preventing myself from doing the type of art that I really want to do.

From an early age I've always been fascinated and enthralled by monsters. I had a huge book (similar to the size of my collegiate calculus textbook) about nearly every film monster that graced the screen until the mid-80's. I was reading Stephen King at 7, and the illustrations from the Scary Stories trilogy haunted my dreams.

Even to this day, great horror films are some of my favorite films ever. 28 Days Later and Let the Right One In are masterpieces. I also have a place in my heart for films like Aliens, Tremors, Predator, The Fly (1986 version), and tons of B-movie horror flicks. I do take offense to some of the more recent slasher/torture-porn films in the last decade, but for the most part, no matter how bad a horror movie is, if I have the time, I'll watch it.

However, when it comes to art, I've been struggling with the notion that I have to make art that really touches people on a deeper level. I felt like I needed to really say something; to inspire or empower. I wanted to make a difference in the world through art. And until recently, I thought that this was in stark contrast to the horrific material that I was really longing to create.

Eve helped me realize that I was creating the dreaded false dichotomy - I was making it an either-or situation when that really wasn't the case. I could paint monsters and demons and still say something meaningful, or still reach people at an emotional level. I thought I needed to be more clever or funny or wise than everyone else through my work, when really I just want to paint a bunch of scary monsters.

Whether or not the work I produce in the future has lots of symbolism, metaphors, and deep social commentary doesn't really matter. Eve pointed out that horror and tragedy are art forms that are centuries old - people still liked them for a reason. These pieces can act as a catharsis for the audience, allowing them to feel horror, fear, and sorrow without really having to go through the terrible acts that cause it. The viewers can feel relieved after the film is over, thinking "I'm glad that wasn't me," and can be thankful for what they do have.

Additionally, I've decided that changing the world through art doesn't necessarily mean inspiring the next generation of leaders through my artwork per se. I can sell t-shirts with my designs on them to raise money for charities. I can donate paintings to charities for auctions, and teach classes for underprivileged youth. There is lots and lots to be done, it's just a matter of finding my own way to do it.

I've realized that the hardest thing is releasing the rhino. It takes looking at it from a new perspective, and not getting boxed into the way that you think things have to be. I can just draw child-eating mothers and swamp beasts and demonic cults sacrificing towns and still be able to make a positive change on the world. I've found that your own mind tends to be your biggest prison, and it's all about figuring out what key fits to let yourself free.

I hope my story will help in some way..if anything, if you're dealing with your own personal cages and dichotomies and thoughts on what your art should be or what you think the world wants - you're not alone.

In the end, you have to create for yourself.


Thanks to Eve and everyone else who has been really supportive in my pursuit of art. I realize how lucky I am and I hope that everyone can find that support for your work. Keep on keeping on, and we can all change the world together.

Create something worthwile

This guy feels like he hasn't created anything worthwhile

Monkey here:

I have to create. Whether it's making stickers I'll never post up or painting huge acrylics or even just blogging, I have to stay in motion and keep on producing something. The trick is I have to keep making sure that what I'm creating is really creating and not just false ego-building. Bejeweled Blitz (BJB from here out) and other Facebook games are the largest opiates of the masses. I admit, I'm not immune, as I constantly strive for making it to at least the top 3 on my BJB leaderboard. Really though, what does that accomplish?

It makes me feel awesome, when I really haven't done anything to be awesome. Not to trample on the dreams of anyone who makes a living off video games (playing, coding, creating, or otherwise), but honestly I feel like it's just a fake emotional boost that keeps you coming back every week for more (since the leaderboards are wiped clean every Tuesday morning).

Make sure that you're spending your time doing stuff that matters to you. It doesn't have to matter to me, as if you want to be #1 on BJB every week that's your passion. But as I try to wean myself off the addictive teat of facebook video games, I want to make sure that my time and energy are better placed networking, writing decent blog posts, and making art.

As much as we all say we're addicted to BJB, or Farmville, or Mafia Wars, or Call of Duty, or whatever, I don't think a lot of us realize how addicted we really are. By accomplishing something in the game, we are getting really neurotransmitters flowing that make us feel good, and this is reinforcing the action that leads us to that feeling - playing more of these games.

How do you kick the habit? If you try to slowly get off the habit, I recommend kitchen timers so you limit yourself to how much to play. But seriously, going cold turkey seems like the way to go for me. But you have to make sure that you really ditch as many ways of going back as you can.

When I kicked WoW, it literally was me canceling my account and that was that. Do I still miss flying around on my windrider and unleashing flurries of arrows on unsuspecting squishies? Oh most definitely. But if you're like me and can give up entire days to gaming, you have to choose between being great at gaming, and being great at something offline.

I'm not trying to be a downer for any gamers, and for many of you casual gamers out there who can walk away easily, more power to you. But as someone in a field that is so subjective who has to get my art out in front of as many people as possible in order to survive, I honestly don't have the time for that.

Thus, after you read this, I will have deleted BJB from my iphone and removed it from my FB profile, so I can't keep going back. I honestly really, really, really want to change the world, and nobody ever did that while tethered to video games (although feel free to prove me wrong on this one). My goal isn't to be the best WoW PvPer, or the person with the highest BJB score in the world. My goal is to become an internationally-acclaimed artist.

Like I said before, I have to create, and now, I'm choosing to create something that's going to place me one step toward my goal, rather than keeping me nice and docile where I am.

Alien/ation: an Art Riot Extravaganza - TOMORROW!

Today's post is a friendly reminder that tomorrow, July 10th, is going to be the event that Monkey + Seal (as Paper Hat Productions) has been working on for the past three months. We've been super fortunate to collaborate with the Hyphen Magazine team, and we are proud to bring you Alien/ation: An Illustration Show.

We are honored to be showing among some amazing artists such as Kim Herbst, Joseph To, and Yoko Furusho, to name a few, and our favorite vegan baker, Jen Chau from Black Orchid Bakery will be on hand with cupcakes that are really frickin' amazing.

A preview of what Seal will be showing

We also want to emphasize how excited we are about the raffle - there will be another collaborative Art Battle, but this time it'll be a triple threat match of Monkey, Seal, and Joseph To. Each will start a painting based on an audience-submitted theme. Then, they'll move on to the next person's canvas and start painting, then they will switch again so that everyone paints on everyone's piece. Finally, the artist will move back to the original painting they started and will finish it off. Exciting, huh? Even better, these pieces will be raffled off at the end of the night.

A free artist's reception is from 5:30-6:45, and doors open at 7:00. Admission is $5 (or $15 if you want to get a subscription to Hyphen). The first 25 paying guests at 7:00 will get a swag bag with some limited edition goodies inside. If you want the swag, we suggest getting there early.

A preview of what Monkey will be showing

Where else can you win original art, eat awesome cupcakes, get free stuff, and check out some cutting-edge illustrators? No where (at least no place that we're aware of). Thus, you should definitely come check out our show, and don't forget to bring cash if you want to drink since SPACE gallery (1141 Polk x Sutter) is a 21+ only, cash only venue.

Also, this is really the only night to be able to see all this fantastic art in one place, so we highly recommend it. Besides new work by Monkey + Seal, the other art being hung is really amazing and it should be a really awesome event. We hope to see you there!

7 Steps to Playing a Much Bigger Game

So Monkey has been on a bit of an entrepreneurial kick this past week, and as he types this, he's been feeling a twisting pang in his chest. Fortunately, it's not angina, but the feeling of a realization that is so profound and life-altering, that it is hard to put it into words. It's the feeling (Monkey imagines) of standing on a high-dive platform, really, really high up, with the (what looks like) a tiny tiny pool down beneath you. You start to bounce a bit to get into the swing of things, and then you realize that if you try to stop the bounce, you're totally going to lose your balance and fall. But if you just take a big jump, you're going to get enough spring to fling you through the air.

The trick is to just let gravity do its thing and move you along. To be a bit more personal, here's Monkey:

To be honest, this feeling is scary. I first thought "what the f is wrong with me?" but then I realized that it's the life-altering slap in the face that I needed. Being able to finally "get it" - that really my own fear is what has been holding me back all these years is both relieving as well as frightening. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, but at the same time I feel exposed and vulnerable, as knowing that I've been hiding behind my fear and insecurities, I really have been at fault for holding myself back.

I've heard this many times, in many various forms, but the pdf. I just read touched something in me that just shook me to my core. Now, for a few quick disclaimers. 1. I was so f'ing in to this little mini e-book that I immediately signed up for the affiliate program, so if you ever buy something or anything, we'll get a cut of it. 2. Dave Navarro, the author who wrote "7 Steps to playing a much bigger game," might not be for everyone as he's definitely blunt and motivating in a "get your ass up and go" sort of way. However, if you, like me, need a bit of a heavy hand sometimes, then this is definitely for you.


Some of my fav quotes from the guide:

"Yeah, life is difficult. It really is. But it seems much more difficult than it really is because society is training you to think that it should be easy. Microwave popcorn, drive-throughs, magic pills and instant downloads have conditioned us to expect everything to be easy and push button and if it's not, then oh-crap-what-is-wrong-with-me-I-am-such-a-failure."

"Imagine: You know CPR well enough. Someone stops breathing, and what do you do? Do you start asking yourself if there are better CPR practitioners than you? Do you wonder if your certification came from a prestigious enough teacher? Or maybe you have no certification at all, someone just showed you how to do it (correctly)? Are you going to dredge up every loser feeling you've had about yourself and dwell on that while that person slips off into the great unknown?
Hell no. You're going to get on your knees, do that CPR thing, and save that person's life. Without a second thought. Because the situation calls for value, and you have value to offer."

Definitely a bit brusque, Dave's writing really hits home for me, though, and has inspired me to really start working past my fear and taking action, regardless if it ends up in failure or success, as either way, it won't really be that bad.

I highly recommend signing up for his free email newsletters in order to get downloadable access to all the free pdfs he has to offer - all of which come with little worksheets that will help you get on your way to stepping it up another notch.

Anyway, as I've been doing more and more reading, I'll definitely be posting more and more awesome other writers/bloggers/coaches/advice/etc. about making it as a creative and chasing the dream. But for reals, check out Dave's stuff, and let me know what you think - hopefully it'll give you the kick in the pants you need to get out there and change the world.

Paper Hat Productions Features: Monkey + Seal

Only 2 days left until the Out of Place Art Riot Extravaganza!

As the curators and participants in the upcoming Out of Place group show, it's time to feature: Monkey + Seal :P

First off is the ever talented Eve Skylar (aka Seal) who is an amazing painter/concept artist/illustrator who is 50% of the Paper Hat Production team.

Hailing originally from Long Beach, California, this feisty artist cites classic literature, contemporary Japanese environment artists, and social issues as her inspiration.

Using extensive reference and research, Seal meticulously paints her captivating backgrounds, often with a sense of mystery and loneliness. She'll be the first to tell you that her paintings (along with research) have taken upwards of 50 hours to complete, but all that time is definitely worth it!

The other 50% of Paper Hat Productions is Rick Kitagawa (aka Monkey), who is an painter and illustrator that looks to pop culture, internet memes, and issues that affect the Asian American population as inspiration for his often humorous critiques on life.

Examining the interplay between text and image, Rick often enjoys giving a voice to the subjects of his paintings, whether it be inanimate objects, mythical creatures, or figures who are sometimes obviously upset with the way they are painted.

Additionally, as a printmaker, Rick enjoys exploring different mediums, and his combination of screenprinting with interactive sculpture will be on display at the gallery.

We'll see you in a few days!

Queen Doppolopolis

So, going along with the Facebook Doppledanger week (that has easily lasted more than a week), Monkey put up a picture of the Japanese actor Eita:

Eita

Now, Monkey has been told by numerous Japanese people that he looks like Eita, but he usually sports a pretty hefty (or at least, shaggy) beard, and Eita doesn't, so the comparison isn't so apparent to him. I mean, check out this dude's scruff: Monkey with beard

However, for a play reading for the San Francisco Playwright's Foundation, Monkey had to play a 16 year-old. So, he decided to shave off the scruff, and last night, for kicks, decided to see how well his face lined up with Eita's. The results are kind of creepy.

Rick (aka Monkey) sans the beard

RickEita = 50% Rick, 50% Eita

Weird, huh? I think Eita has a thicker neck, a more lazy left eye, ears that stick out a bit more, and a thinner nose, but the proportions are pretty similar. Weird. However, if you are a casting director and you need someone that looks like Eita, let Monkey know!